New Years Resolutions (yeah, I'm getting in early)

I’m going to try a new approach to new years resolutions this year! Last year, I resolved to clean my shower alcove more regularly and pay my bills on time. There is mould in the shower alcove and I have just had a second reminder about my Telstra bill. I am one of the 95% of people for whom New Years Resolutions fail!

Why do New Years resolutions fail? I think it is because we expect things to change overnight, where in reality, the only real thing to change between December and January, is the date! We’ve been doing things a certain way for at least a year and our brains are wired to do them that way. To expect major changes in behaviour between the 31st of December and the 1st of January is fairly unrealistic.

I am going to try and change my odds for 2011, by setting monthly resolutions. Instead of starting 2011 saying “I’m going to go to the gym 5 times a week, eat my 2 & 5 fruit and veg every day, drink 8 glasses of water a day and visit my great Aunt in the nursing home every Sunday!” I am going to start each month by looking at the important elements of my life and setting a realistic goal for each one. If one month, I don’t achieve one or more of the goals, I will be able to asses if I am setting the bar too high or perhaps not trying hard enough.

The areas that I have decided to set goals in are;
• Create
• Move
• Eat
• Connect
• Work
• Finances

Create: Making sure I spend quality time being creative. I let my creativity lapse for so many years because people told me it wouldn’t put food on my table, but I rediscovered it earlier this year and realised that it is food for my soul!

Move: Exercise is important. I have a gym membership, but this resolution won’t be limited to ‘serious exercise’, but also to things like bushwalking, dancing and hippy stuff like yoga!

Eat: Food is also important, I am going to try to set myself goals to try new (healthy) recipes, experiment with new fruits and vegetables and generally expand my gastronomic repertoire!

Connect: Making sure I spend meaningful time with special people. I want to write more letters, make more surprise phone calls, entertain people more at home and generally nurture my relationships with both my family and my friends.

Work: Ah, the thorn in my side. I want to make headway with work, either by finding new work or making my current work more meaningful. Doing courses, doing little experiments like my “Find one thing a day to like about work” and generally shifting my attitude.

Finances: Setting myself a monthly savings target, working out ways of earning money on the side, possibly through my creative pursuits. This will ultimately go towards my much anticipated and disappointingly postponed trip to England to see my dear friend Kate.

So my one new years resolution will be to post an update on how I am going with all of this on a monthly basis. Andy plays basketball on a Thursday, so I have I have written an appointment in my diary for the last Thursday of every month to sit down and work out my resolutions for the following month. Maybe I’ll take myself to a coffee shop to do it, or down to my local pub for a pint and a ponder! Hopefully by this time next year, I’ll be creatively fulfilled, have perfected the rumba, know how to bust out a mean artichoke casserole for my friends followed by pomegranate and persimmon crumble, be happy at work, whatever that may be and be cashed up en route to the old country!!!

Getting informed

"You read the paper, watch the news
and you think you're well informed
Well I got some news for you my friend

That headline that you read
the story that broke
it was a scandal - yeah a scam
political masterstroke
Tell you what they you want you to hear
close your eyes and open your ears"
Lies - The Waifs

I am really keen to get more informed about current events, politics and the like. I don't want to be one of these people who pontificates at length about stuff, but to be able to put forward an informed, well thought out opinion about things that are going on, would be nice.
Up until now, my view has been one of....well, apathy. I start trying to learn about something and it all gets too complicated and I find myself drifting off. I had all good intentions of 'voting below the line' at the last election, but I got there and looked at the options, realised I knew nothing about most of the candidates and felt instantly intimidated by this big fat complex system.
But how does one become informed without influence from one side or another? As the lyrics posted above point out, the media is hardly a credible source. I learned this very quickly during a brief stint in a Communications job. The media team were constantly putting out spot fires lit by over-zealous journalists trying to pin the latest 'health crisis' on one or two people (usually our CE and Minister - two regular blokes trying to do a bloody big job).
I am keen to hear from all of my unbiased information seeking friends. Where do you get your information which subsequently forms your opinions? Do you spend hours researching, or is there some place where you can get the raw facts, which you process in your own way/time? Do I have to sit and read Hansard (because that would really make me want to stab myself in the eye with a blunt object!) or am I doomed to be a nice person with no idea?

Irresponsible desicions

I stood on the edge of the platform, the canyon yawning before me. I was harnessed in, but I couldn't actually see what the harness was connected to, or how it was going to prevent me from making 'Annie Jam' of myself on the rocks below. It was cold and the river below looked like iced coffee, flowing quickly over the stones. I suppose it would be quick, in the worse case scenario.
My understanding was that I would step off the platform and be suspended above the canyon and when I said go, the guys would flick a switch or cut a rope or something and I would be in a 60 meter free fall followed by a massive arc across the canyon. I clarified this with the guys, "So when I step out, I'll be suspended?"
"Yep!"
"Will I drop at all?"
"Oh....about 6 inches, not much."
Gingerly, I stepped one foot out, bent my legs and as the other foot left the platform, the world went a different shape. It felt like a few seconds passed before I realised I was in freefall. Icy wind whipped upwards, swallowing the long vowel of the expletive that I yelled when I realised what had happened.
Seamlessly, the loud rush of air ceased and I was floating above the river, gently swinging back and forth. Peace. It was the most peaceful feeling. I spread my arm out to feel the cool air whooshing past (the other arm was hanging on firmly to the harness) and whooped with delight. I did it! I stepped over the edge of the platform into the unknown and despite the uncertainty, despite the frightening rush and despite the slight discomfort of the harness, it was so worth it for the amazing feeling that followed.

To be continued....

Me Time

My last post is a picture of Greta Garbo, the woman famous for her line "I want to be alone." Just of late, I have craved time alone. Time with no plans, just me, maybe some wine, maybe a book or maybe just nothing. It is interesting that I crave this so much, because those who know me, know that I am hardly a shrinking violet. I guess I am probably fairly intense in a face to face situation. "Chatty" is a word my partner politely describes me as. And I am. I rarely shut up. Sometimes, I should shut up long before I do, because sometimes I say stupid stuff, just because my mouth happens to be open with words tumbling out and I struggle to stop them before they do. Often these situations are a defence mechanism to hide the fact that I am feeling uncomfortable or ignorant or intimidated.
I guess having always been a talkative person, I have kind of developed a bit of a reputation for it and I guess I feel an unconcious need to uphold that reputation. If ever I go to a social event and I am not being "chatty", people start to panic and think I am ill, or mad, or bored, or upset. Generally speaking, if I am like that, it is because I have reached the point that I am currently at. I need some time out. I need time to not talk, to regroup and think, to drink some tea, read a book, watch a film, clean out my third drawer, go walking in a picturesque reserve or write a cathartic blog about spending time alone.
Don't worry, I'll be back with my infamous ability to "talk underwater with a mouthful of marbles" as my mother so affectionately described it!

Down time

I understand this woman.

Day 5 - Experiment Complete

Well, I am pleased to say that my 5 day concious desicion to enjoy my work has paid off. I've been more motivated and organised and felt more 'useful' since making the desicion to enjoy work.
Interestingly, on the Friday, I found out that I am going to be amping up the finance side of things in my job, which frankly, is a little depressing because finance is not my forte and even less so, given that it will also involve the new computer system which scares the pants off me, but I am going to put every effort in to see this as an opportunity to learn a new skill.
Hopefully, I'll be able to keep up my positive perspective for the coming weeks!

Day 4

I struggled to put my finger on something I actually 'like' about my work today, but suffice to say, I had a good day. While I was sipping my coffee (see Tuesday's perk), my friendly colleague asked if I would like to go out to one of our hospital sites with her for a bit of a meet and greet. So I got an hour out of the office and an opportunity to learn a bit about some of our claims processes.
One thing I thought of yesterday is that my attitude this week has not been much different from my first week on the job. I came in, positive attitude, determined to make the best of this new opportunity and determined to learn. I think learning is the key here. When we stop learning, we stop....period! I had stopped seeking out new challenges (not consciously - it just happened) and that is why I was starting to get so disillusioned with work.
One more day - if I can do this for a week, surely I can maintain it for a year!

Day 3

Well, day 3, being Wednesday, that is easy. Wednesday's I get to knock off at 12! Flexible work arrangements! What's not to like!?

Day 2

Ok, day two of liking my job. All going well. Today's positive, apart from keeping really busy and finishing my filing (there is something about completing mundane tasks that is so satisfying!) I decided that today's positive is the coffee machine. I love a good coffee in the morning and my work has a really good quality coffee machine, so I can have my latte for free, saving me $20 a week!

A 5 Day Experiment - Day 1

So, it's no secret. From around 8am to 4:45pm Monday to Friday (save for about 30 minutes in the middle of the day and from 12 on Wednesdays) there are a million places I would rather be. I haven't really enjoyed my job for about 6 months now. This morning, while walking to work, for some reason, I had a little spring in my step. Maybe it was the result of a restful and satisfying weekend, or serendipitously running into a friend en route from the train station, either way, I felt....positive! So with that positive mind set, I made a desicion. I am going to make every effort to enjoy my job this week. If I can find something positive to say about my work every day this week, I have a sporting chance of being able to look back at this week and remind myself of what is good about my job and why I haven't leapt out the window yet. Really, it CAN'T be that bad!

So my positive thing today: my boss has been on leave for a week and a bit and went to Hong Kong on holiday. Today, he gave me a really nice little gift that he bought over there. I have a very thoughtful and kind boss. That is a lot more than I can say about other places I have worked and places that many of my friends work. The people that we work with can make or break the whole 'going to work' experience and I am pleased to say that my current job is made all the more bareable by my 2 colleauges.

The Upside of the Dark Side

I think my last blog post said it all. My job really gets me down some days and the day that I wrote that was one of the days where I sit at my desk holding back tears of frustration. Interestingly enough, the following day, I took a long lunch and walked to the museum and saw an amazing art exhibition and as I walked back to the office, I realised that it was working for a flexible employer and working in the CBD that enables me to do this.
I'm still not 100% happy, because I feel that sitting here is a bit of a waste of my time and talent, but a friend sent me an email the other day with a whole bunch of suggestions, that, while they may not have been a perfect fit, exploring them has made me look at some of my talents and abilities and has sewn a seed of an idea. It's something that could fall flat on its face, or it is something that could be remarkably successful, but I won't know until I give it a go.
Watch this space (for at least 3 years, good things take time!).

Is that it?

It seems there is a record, skipping over and over in my head and it is making me exceptionally depressed.
"It dosen't matter if you're unhappy, as long as you're financially secure. Don't plan for your personal or emotional future, just make sure you have money in the bank."
Is this all there is?

Creative - with tea and scones!

In the past, I have been a 'satellite member' of a craft group that is way out the other side of town, a good hour there and back. It takes up most of my Saturday if I decide to go, so I have decided to start my own, local craft group. A bit of a shout out on Facebook brought about a few positive responses, so I think it should be a success! First get together is on the 5th September!

Stop Putting it Off!

Get off the computer and do something you've been meaning to do and just haven't got around to doing it yet! I did it today. I sorted out all of my boarding passes, pamphlets, ticket stubs, bits & pieces from my trip to Nepal, India and the Maldives (that I did in 2007!) and stuck them into a little book. Now it's done! I can now look back at all the little bits and pieces from my trip and get all nostalgic about the happy memories!

In Search of the Ideal Diary

It is around this time of year that diaries for next year start appearing in stores. I am an avid keeper of a diary. I have diaries dating back to 1995 at home that I am loathe to part with. I like looking back over them and remebering what I was doing and who came along. I have my diary from when I was in year 12 which has entries such as "English exam - blegh!" and "Last day of school FOREVER!!!!", there are little hand written notes in there from friends, one friend went through and put her and her boyfriends monthly anniversaries in my diary....I think they broke up around May. I have the diary from when I first moved to Adelaide, little things like "Budgie arrives", marking the date that Oscar, my dear departed 10 year old budgie first came into my life, "Interview at such and such". Looking at these appointments takes me back to the times and the places and I can almost feel the emotions that I experienced at the time.

Selecting a diary has become a really important ritual in my year. I have a whole set of rules that I apply to my diary and I will not stop looking until I find perfection. A few years ago, 2005 to be precise, I had "The Perfect Diar", published by Bigh Stick Productions. It was pretty damn near accurate to it's title. It was A5, came with 2 pads of post it notes, a good quality felt tip pen, note paper, graph paper (for when one wants to pump out a bit of long division on the train), there was even paper where you could write music! It had a selection of art, photography and poetry from little know Australasian artists and it was just a fun diary to have. My only beef with it was the same as my beef with about 90% of diaries on the market. Saturday and Sunday are half the size of the rest of the week!

Sure, lots of people use their diary for work, writing in appointments etc, but I have Microsoft outlook for that! My busy times are my weekends, I need more space for them than I do on my weekdays. My weekday entries usually consist of things like "Pump class 7:15" or a couple of words about what we might be having for tea, occasionally there will be a meeting for something or a coffee catch up, but seldom more than one or two things.

Weekends on the other hand are more like
-Meet Sarah for Brekky 8am @ Cafe Blah
-Pump class with Nicola 10:30am
-Lunch with Mum and Dad in Stirling 12:00
-Coffee with Judy 3pm
-Dinner at Amy & Iliyas 6:30pm (take wine)

And diary publishers want me to put that in a space half the size of what they've provided me week days!

Maybe I need to go into diary production and produce a diary for people who work 5 days a week then live on the weekends! So far, I have discovered a selection of diaries that do cater for me. The Australian Women's Health Diary, Paperblanks and I think the 'Cheese' diary also is generous with weekend space. I am glad that diaries come out so early before the start of the new year, it gives me plenty of time to find the perfect diary!

A Crochety Old Woman

Last night, my Mum in Law, Chris, taught me how to crochet. I had intended to learn knitting before this winter was out, and while there is still time to learn that art, I am all about the hook at the moment!

Once she got me going, my cup of tea went cold, but my hands stayed warm. I could have sat on the big sofa all night, in front of the fire, Pippa, the little dog, curled beside me and my hands working away at this ever growing disc of cream coloured wool, materialising in my hand.

I got home and did some more, then I got on the train this morning and did more again! Then lunch time, I went and bought a cuppa at the cafe downstairs from work, and sat in the sun and crocheted some more! I am addicted! I love it! I am not quite sure what I am making, it is looking more like a beanie with every treble I do, althought I had hoped for more of a beret! But the world is my oyster!

I can't wait to be 70!

Product Review - Lindt Excellence with a Touch of Sea Salt

With a touch of what? Salt? In Chocolate? That ain't right!
Is what I thought when I saw this on the shelf last week. Curiosity bubbled away in me for a few days until today, when I took the plunge and bought a block.

First bite: couldn't taste salt, nope, just chocolate, dark chocolate, bittersweet, good quality chocolate...chew chew chew, swallow......oo! Salt! Hello!
Second bite: Chocolate, chocolate, saltiness, chocolate, chocolate.
And so on until the last bite (can I just say here that I only had one square? How's that for self control!).

So as you can see, the dominant flavour in this unusual concept, is chocolate. The salt is not overpowering or particularly thirst inducing. I find in some dark chocolates (in particular, anything over 70%) I get a bit of saltiness anyway, so this one wasn't particularly controversial tasting to me.

I would recommend it to anyone who likes dark chocolate and feels like a little teeny bit of difference (emphasis on teeny - the salt is only 3%).

Creative AND organised!

This was my project for this afternoon. I bought some nice fabric (you can't really see it in much detail) with a light pattern and covered the cork part of the pin board with it, then suck little pins in and hung all my finery on it.
I deliberated for some time over the fabric. I love strong colours, in particular reds (which you can probably see from my jewellery!) but I figured a simple light tone would be a great back drop as the jewellery has provided all the colour and texture. I think it looks artistic as well as being practicle!

This made me smile and nod...

This cartoon my Michael Leunig perfectly illustrates my opinion on life and work!

A Writing Enthusiasts Paradise!

Today at lunch time, I went to this shop - www.kikki-k.com Oh.My.Gosh! It was wonderful. Where do I start!? One of the first books I came across when I walked in was called "Lists", and it is just that, a book with a whole lot of empty lists. My partner will attest to my fetish for lists; shopping lists, daily to do lists, weekly, mothly, yearly to do lists, lists of books I've read, lists of books I want to read! My up and coming list will be all the things I want to buy from this shop!

So what did I buy today? This! www.kikki-k.com/shop/product/365-days/I have many journals at home, half filled, blank, all with good intentions! My plan for this journal is to document my creative pursuits and write, draw or stick whatever I have done in a day that is creative. I am going to aim to live creativley for a full 365 days and document it. Hopefully, by the end of that, it will be habit and being creative won't be an effort. I know it shouldn't be and effort, but when daily life, work, shopping, cooking, cleaning, commuting all gets in the way, it is difficult. I am going to work out ways to fit creativity into all of these elements of my life (like popping out to write in my lunch break the other day) or look at them as creative pursuits, rather than chores that I am bound by, cooking, after all is an art!

My dream for the life of this journal is to fill it with picutres, photo's, quotes, recipes and dreams! I can't wait to read it next year when it is complete!

Thirty Minutes of Inspiration

I bought this book the other day and it is inspiring me to write! Today, at lunch time, I took this book and my 'scratch pad' down to a cafe on the ground floor of my building. I ordered a chai and then I did some of the exercises set out in the book. Once I had finished that, I decided to just write exactly what I saw. It was extremely liberating, just writing, with no purpose, no goal, no deadline, just letting my pen glide across the page and my vision pour out through my words.
I am loving letting creativity trickle into the cracks and crevices of my life!

What Defines Us?

What is one of the first questions we ask people when we first meet them? Chances are, after formal introductions of how you turned out to be at the same party or in the same queue, the conversation inevitably turns to "And what do you do?" The immediate response is to tell the person what you get paid for. After all, money makes the world go round, so shouldn't our paid employment be what defines us?

I don't think so. People are so much more than their job. I remember feeling really peeved once when telling someone how much my partner enjoys reading science books. The person asked me what he did for a job and when I told her that he was a tradesman, she laughed and said "So why is he interested in science?!" This person had automatically pigeon holed him in a certain way on account of his 9 to 5 occupation.

My job as an admin officer in a Government Department is so far from who I am. My two main interests are photography and creative writing. Up until now, I have been too frightened to call myself either a photographer or a creative writer, but why on earth shouldn't I identify myself as these things? They are the activities that make me happy, that give my life meaning. I may not be a professional at either of them and hey, I may not be overly accomplished in either of them, but they are things I 'do'. Sure, I spend most of my time at my 'day job', and there is a fair chance that I will possibly never make a living out of writing or photography, but why shouldn't I own them as part of my identity?

I admire people who do what they love for a job. I was talking to someone tonight who's face lights up when she talks about the work she does. She's driven by her passion for the subject and has never mentioned (to me) how much money it is going to make her or anything like that, she simply loves her work. Another person I was talking to the other day, hourly paid, no sick leave or annual leave entitlements, who said to me, even if he could have those entitlements, he wouldn't trade his job for anything, because quite simply, he loves his work.

Finding the ultimate dream job that combines passion with a regular pay cheque is hard, but making your passion the focus of your life, rather than an afterthought, is a worthwhile pursuit! I am working on doing this myself right now. I am spending my spare time reading, writing, going out and taking pictures ad being true to who I am and what I do. I have banned myself from checking my work emails at home or thinking about work when I am not there. I am focusing on who I am, not what I do for money.

Next time someone asks you what you do, are you going to tell them who's payroll you are on, or are you going to tell them who you are?

The New Direction

It's been close to three weeks since I had the brilliant idea to enroll in a Diploma of Journalism. I admitted at the time that it seemed impulsive, yet somehow convinced myself that I had been thinking about it for a while, I was ready to study again and it would be a great career, combining one of my greatest loves, writing, with a career. An exciting career!

So why did the wheels fall of this sensible although slightly impulsive desicion? The answer came to me whilst pondering it on my morning stroll from the train to the office. It was a desicion based in my head and not my heart. It sounds airy fairy, I know, but that is what it came down to. I was so busy weighing up the financial outcomes, the job opportunities and the social status that I forgot to remind myself that I wouldn't have freedom in the things that I wrote about. I would be writing to strict deadlines, I would be competing against 21 year old guns with honours degrees, clawing their way to the top and taking no prisoners.

I am a creative writer. I love making up stories, embelishing facts (which is quite different to lying!) and creating images with words. One of the best pieces I ever wrote was my year 4 project on Ned Kelly. My overall mark was a C-. Not a brilliant start, but I can guarantee the teacher marking it would have had tears of laughter rolling down her face. Here is an exerpt (spelling errors left in, just for kicks):

.Ned was sort of good looking for a bush ranger. Specking of good looking peopl, sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think yuk! Ok, lets go on to Ned again. My brother thincks that he was good becaus he fought with the rich pepol WOW! How nice of him. I hate my brother. Ned wore a metal suit. It was black with a big helmet with an eye peas, hay thats handy. I don't know if he had a horse. Mum and Dad sayd he wold have one. I thort that he was an escapeed convict. No, he wasn't. His mum and dad came across as convicts. He was about 25 when he dide so he wasn't a mean old bushranger at all, he was more of a mean yonge bushranger. I was going to call him a little rascal but he's not little enough, but I'll call him a young man.

As you can see, I was not only a wordsmith, but an artiste to boot!

I would like it to be known that I have an excellent relationship with my brother these days and as for the boyfriend, well, things clearly didn't work out between me and the ugly sod, but I hold no ill feelings and wish him well....whoever he was!

As you can see, poetic licence and freedom of opinion are both qualities that I value in my writing projects and I intend to hone these skills to a more polite level than displayed above. There is a few courses I am looking into to help to perfect my art. I am also persuing photography as a hobby/potential income earner. I am over aspiring for things that are sensible, stable and socially normal. I am old enough to be jaded about the corporate big wheel but young enough to follow my dreams.

So from here, I am not quite sure what the next step is, how big or how risky it will be or how successful it will be, but I am excited to see where my heart will take me. I plan to document that journey here.

Welcome!

Welcome to my new blog, a compliment to my 'visual diary'. I've recently enrolled to study journalism and I felt it necessary to get back into writing more publicly. Some advice I was once given about writing, was to write something every day. I am not planning to update this blog every day, but I will be aiming to update it weekly.

I may regret saying this, but I would like feedback. Are my posts interesting, are they too long, too short, too wordy, not wordy enough, self absorbed, too opinionated, too 'fence sitting'....I am keen to know how they make you feel! Be nice, but be honest.

I'm not sure what I am going to write about yet, but I am sure I will find something to get me into a groove! Stay tuned!