My last post is a picture of Greta Garbo, the woman famous for her line "I want to be alone." Just of late, I have craved time alone. Time with no plans, just me, maybe some wine, maybe a book or maybe just nothing. It is interesting that I crave this so much, because those who know me, know that I am hardly a shrinking violet. I guess I am probably fairly intense in a face to face situation. "Chatty" is a word my partner politely describes me as. And I am. I rarely shut up. Sometimes, I should shut up long before I do, because sometimes I say stupid stuff, just because my mouth happens to be open with words tumbling out and I struggle to stop them before they do. Often these situations are a defence mechanism to hide the fact that I am feeling uncomfortable or ignorant or intimidated.
I guess having always been a talkative person, I have kind of developed a bit of a reputation for it and I guess I feel an unconcious need to uphold that reputation. If ever I go to a social event and I am not being "chatty", people start to panic and think I am ill, or mad, or bored, or upset. Generally speaking, if I am like that, it is because I have reached the point that I am currently at. I need some time out. I need time to not talk, to regroup and think, to drink some tea, read a book, watch a film, clean out my third drawer, go walking in a picturesque reserve or write a cathartic blog about spending time alone.
Don't worry, I'll be back with my infamous ability to "talk underwater with a mouthful of marbles" as my mother so affectionately described it!
