Irresponsible desicions

I stood on the edge of the platform, the canyon yawning before me. I was harnessed in, but I couldn't actually see what the harness was connected to, or how it was going to prevent me from making 'Annie Jam' of myself on the rocks below. It was cold and the river below looked like iced coffee, flowing quickly over the stones. I suppose it would be quick, in the worse case scenario.
My understanding was that I would step off the platform and be suspended above the canyon and when I said go, the guys would flick a switch or cut a rope or something and I would be in a 60 meter free fall followed by a massive arc across the canyon. I clarified this with the guys, "So when I step out, I'll be suspended?"
"Yep!"
"Will I drop at all?"
"Oh....about 6 inches, not much."
Gingerly, I stepped one foot out, bent my legs and as the other foot left the platform, the world went a different shape. It felt like a few seconds passed before I realised I was in freefall. Icy wind whipped upwards, swallowing the long vowel of the expletive that I yelled when I realised what had happened.
Seamlessly, the loud rush of air ceased and I was floating above the river, gently swinging back and forth. Peace. It was the most peaceful feeling. I spread my arm out to feel the cool air whooshing past (the other arm was hanging on firmly to the harness) and whooped with delight. I did it! I stepped over the edge of the platform into the unknown and despite the uncertainty, despite the frightening rush and despite the slight discomfort of the harness, it was so worth it for the amazing feeling that followed.

To be continued....

Me Time

My last post is a picture of Greta Garbo, the woman famous for her line "I want to be alone." Just of late, I have craved time alone. Time with no plans, just me, maybe some wine, maybe a book or maybe just nothing. It is interesting that I crave this so much, because those who know me, know that I am hardly a shrinking violet. I guess I am probably fairly intense in a face to face situation. "Chatty" is a word my partner politely describes me as. And I am. I rarely shut up. Sometimes, I should shut up long before I do, because sometimes I say stupid stuff, just because my mouth happens to be open with words tumbling out and I struggle to stop them before they do. Often these situations are a defence mechanism to hide the fact that I am feeling uncomfortable or ignorant or intimidated.
I guess having always been a talkative person, I have kind of developed a bit of a reputation for it and I guess I feel an unconcious need to uphold that reputation. If ever I go to a social event and I am not being "chatty", people start to panic and think I am ill, or mad, or bored, or upset. Generally speaking, if I am like that, it is because I have reached the point that I am currently at. I need some time out. I need time to not talk, to regroup and think, to drink some tea, read a book, watch a film, clean out my third drawer, go walking in a picturesque reserve or write a cathartic blog about spending time alone.
Don't worry, I'll be back with my infamous ability to "talk underwater with a mouthful of marbles" as my mother so affectionately described it!

Down time

I understand this woman.

Day 5 - Experiment Complete

Well, I am pleased to say that my 5 day concious desicion to enjoy my work has paid off. I've been more motivated and organised and felt more 'useful' since making the desicion to enjoy work.
Interestingly, on the Friday, I found out that I am going to be amping up the finance side of things in my job, which frankly, is a little depressing because finance is not my forte and even less so, given that it will also involve the new computer system which scares the pants off me, but I am going to put every effort in to see this as an opportunity to learn a new skill.
Hopefully, I'll be able to keep up my positive perspective for the coming weeks!

Day 4

I struggled to put my finger on something I actually 'like' about my work today, but suffice to say, I had a good day. While I was sipping my coffee (see Tuesday's perk), my friendly colleague asked if I would like to go out to one of our hospital sites with her for a bit of a meet and greet. So I got an hour out of the office and an opportunity to learn a bit about some of our claims processes.
One thing I thought of yesterday is that my attitude this week has not been much different from my first week on the job. I came in, positive attitude, determined to make the best of this new opportunity and determined to learn. I think learning is the key here. When we stop learning, we stop....period! I had stopped seeking out new challenges (not consciously - it just happened) and that is why I was starting to get so disillusioned with work.
One more day - if I can do this for a week, surely I can maintain it for a year!

Day 3

Well, day 3, being Wednesday, that is easy. Wednesday's I get to knock off at 12! Flexible work arrangements! What's not to like!?

Day 2

Ok, day two of liking my job. All going well. Today's positive, apart from keeping really busy and finishing my filing (there is something about completing mundane tasks that is so satisfying!) I decided that today's positive is the coffee machine. I love a good coffee in the morning and my work has a really good quality coffee machine, so I can have my latte for free, saving me $20 a week!